Tuesday, March 14th,
The
Demolition Team.
This last day of the
regular season, 3/14, we played two, 5 inning, explosive games, between the
Yankees, (Toro) and the A’s, (Matta). The A’s took on the persona of their
sponsor, (River City Demolition). Since the last of January, we had only lost one
game. We demolished the schedule in February and March, like Chuck Norris
demolishes his foes. This two-game write-up
will contain a tribute to the ultimate demolition guy, Chuck Norris; producer,
entrepreneur, Air-Force Vet and actor.
We needed to do the
impossible, kill 3 birds with one stone. Only Chuck Norris can do that, in fact,
Chuck Norris can kill three stones with one bird.
The A’s needed to win the last two games to possibly force a playoff with
the Tigers. The championship would also depend on the outcome of Tigers- KFC
game, being played on Field E. We needed the Tigers to lose.
Chuck Norris was born in
March (3/10) in 1940. When he was born, the doctor did not slap him, instead
Chuck Norris slapped the doctor.
The Demolition A’s
slapped the ball around the field, in the first two innings of game 1, we took a
10-2 early lead. Jeff Stier and Bobby Reagen
punctuated the innings, they pulverized the ball and hit homeruns.
Chuck Norris is so
tough, he washes his eyes out with sawdust.
The Yankees mush have
had sawdust in their eyes for most of game 1. By the 5th and last
inning, they were down 16-5. Meanwhile, A’s
players; Shirer and Reagan, were doing their best Chuck Norris impersonation by
exploding on the ball and hitting triples. Guzman and Goose both smashed doubles
to aid in the scoring. While the big Frenchman, Glen LePinnot, was the wrecking
ball. Glen annihilated the ball, hitting it over the left field fence.
To feel safe at night,
Superman wears Chuck Norris Pajamas.
The Yankees had no
superman outfits, or Chuck Norris pajamas, to wear. The Yankees bats were cold
in game 1 and never heated up, only Chuck Norris can make a fire by rubbing 2
ice cubes together. The Yanks went down quietly in the last inning and
turned their attention to game 2. Final Score:
Yankees: 5-A’s: 16.
GAME
2
The Yankees were in it,
to win it. Chuck Norris can make a Happy Meal cry. The Yankees wanted to take away our happy meal and make us cry.
Toro’s squad took an early 5-3 lead over the A’s, in the first inning. The
efforts by Rivera, Johnny O, Doerbaum, Vanderhyde, Toro and Crowell all factored
into the 5-run outburst.
Once a cobra bit Chuck
Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra
died.
Like Chuck Norris, the
A’s had been bit by a cobra. We had to fight back. The Demolition A’s bull dozed
right over the cobra, during the next two innings, scoring 5 runs in both the
2nd and the 3rd. Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
While Waldo was hiding, the A’s found their bats. Book, Carpenter, Reagen,
Matta, Goose, Shier and Guzman put the bats to work in the 2nd. Jack was
nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse
kick. In the 3rd, Quinones, LePinnet, Wiltshire, Book, Carp,
Reagen and Matta all had roundhouse kicks that made a difference.
The 3rd
inning was productive for the Yankees, as well. Chuck Norris is so smart, he knows
Victoria's secret and Don Held still knows how to hit homeruns. Held smashed
a 3-run dinger, over the right field fence, to keep the Yankees in the game.
After 3 innings, the score was A’s: 13-Yankees: 8.
Chuck Norris sleeps with
a pillow under his gun. The Yankees loaded
their guns in the 4th. They shut out the A’s and added 2 runs of
their own, to make it a tight 13-10 game in favor of the A’s.
If it looks like
chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its
beef, then it's beef. The A’s put some beef
into their bats in the last inning. Leading by 3 runs, we doubled our lead by
scoring 3 more runs. Hits by Quinones, LePinnet, Book and Coffman stretched the
lead to A’s: 16- Yankees: 10.
Death once had a
near-Chuck-Norris experience. The Yankees were down 6
runs in the last inning, but they would not roll over and die. After making
their first out of the inning the Yankees recorded 7 straight hits by,
Constantine, Doerbaum, Held, Vanderhyde, Toro, Crowell and Zelazny. That rally
produced 5 runs, while placing the tying and winning runners on base. The next
batter flew out and moved the runners to 2nd and 3rd, the
A’s were in a precarious position. Chuck
Norris can unscramble an egg. That is exactly what the A’s were able to do.
They unscrambled the egg, got out of the mess and won the game, by retiring the
last batter on a ground out to first. Final
Score: A’s :16-Yankees: 15. (Note: Coffman had the game winning hit for the A’s,
back in the top of the 5th).
When Chuck
Norris swims in the ocean, the sharks are in a steel cage.
The A’s had a great
year, 13-5-1, was our final record. We were a tough team to beat. We won 6 in a
row to close out the season, many of those games were won in dramatic fashion.
Thanks to all the guys on my team for giving me your best effort. You turned out
to be the solid players that I thought you were, when I drafted you. You
provided many good memories. It turns out that we just fell a little short in
our quest. Yesterday, Chuck Norris got
shot, today is the bullet’s funeral. I know the A's players will continue to
be resilient, just like Chuck Norris. The Tigers won their last game, defeating
KFC. It gave them a 14-5 record and the championship. Congratulations to coaches
Tommy Hamilton, Joe D’Herin and all the great players on the Tigers team for a
tremendous season! Even Chuck Norris
would have a tough time beating you guys, but he would beat you, even without a
bat; because nobody beats Chuck Norris.
Sharks have a week of TV shows dedicated to Chuck Norris.
Sharks have a week of TV shows dedicated to Chuck Norris.
This
is the dedication for the Yankees leading hitters, (both games
combined).
Constantine:
3/5.
Doerbaum:
5/5.
Held: 5/5, with a double
and HR.
Vanderhyde:
4/5.
Toro: 4/5.
Here
is the dedication for the A’s leading hitters, (both games
combined).
Goose: 4/6,
double.
Stier: 4/5, HR, SF,
double.
Shirer: 6/6, triple,
double.
Guzman: 3/5, double and
SF.
Quinones: 5/5, SF, 2
doubles.
Book: 4/5, 2
doubles.
Carpenter: 3/4,
SF.
Reagen: 4/5, HR and
triple. (Very Chuck Norris like).
Matta: 4/4.
LePinnot: 4/4,
HR.
Year
Ending, OBP leaders, for the A’s.
The 700 Club:
Shirer: 59/74, .797,
incredible!
Matta:
52/72,.722.
Goose: 52/74,
.702.
The 600 Club:
Essenmacher: 39/57,
.684.
Book: 49/72,
.680.
Quinones: 44/70,
.628.
Stier: 48/77,
.623.
More Chuck Norris
Softball
Chuck Norris will not
play against your softball team, he does not consider 11-1 fair odds for
you.
Bats were regulated to
be no longer than 34 inches, otherwise Chuck Norris would come to the plate
swinging a tree.
When Chuck Norris drinks
Gatorade, he squeezes his own, from live gators.
When Chuck Norris throws
the old horsehide, the entire horse is still attached.
Chuck Norris
already beat the Tigers, not Hamilton’s team, but real Tigers in the jungles of
India.
No one steals an extra
base from Chuck Norris and lives to tell about it.
Chuck Norris can catch
any fly ball hit to the outfield, even when he is playing
catcher.
When Chuck Norris takes
batting practice, the moon gets new craters.
Chuck Norris was once
thrown out at 2nd base. He slid so hard, he ended up in China and
never reached the base.
Chuck Norris does not
have to swing a bat to hit a homerun. After the pitcher releases the ball, Chuck
Norris stares at it and the ball retreats over the outfield
fence.
Write Up By Nick Matta
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