Don’t Worry, Be Happy
An easy going, fun mood prevails at the ball fields, while we play summer ball. No team, or player takes it too seriously, at least until the final innings when the game is on the line. There are plenty of wry comments in the dugouts. With that in mind, the write up, for 5/24, will center around comedy. As a precursor, I am going to apologize ahead of time for some of the bad humor that will follow in this presentation.
Some of the ball players at WHSS are so old their shirt numbers are in Roman numerals.
Team Jester, Hitting Team: Grabb, Rad, Guzman, Gelinas, Morton, Hite, Pope, Vining, Strait, Thompson and Shearer.
Team Slapstick, Sitting Team: Rivera, Scarbrough, Matta, Shirer, Witmer, Chrest, Coffman, Capozzi, Bobby C, Mick and Wells.
Team Joker, Home Team: Hicks, Dampier, Dana, Manny, JD, Gonzalez, Skidmore, Learn, Cecil, Lopiccolo and Fabian.
It was appropriate that Larry Grabb was the first hitter up today. Because team Jester grabbed the lead instantly, when Larry opened the game with a HR. Immediately I accused Bob Hite of stacking his team. Rad, Guzman, Morton and Hite also happily ran the bases by delivering hits. They scored 3 runs to take an early lead.
Team Slapstick batted next and their bats had very few hits in them. Scarbrough, Matta, Shirer and Chrest found a few openings in the defense, good for 2 runs.
Team Joker laughed all the way around the bases, scoring 5 runs. Hicks, Dampier, Dana, Manny, JD, Learn and Cecil were all smiles after their hits.
I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday. She said, surprise me with lots of diamonds. I gave her a deck of cards.
After 1 inning at the Diamondplex the cards fell correctly for Team Joker, as they held an early lead. Jester: 3- Slapstick: 2 - Joker: 5.
Teams Jester and Joker were making fun of Team Slapstick. Not by picking on us verbally, but by beating us with their bats. The two teams that were having the best time, scored the most runs in the 2nd inning, to extend their lead. Jester posted 5 runs in the inning, 0 for Slapstick and 3 runs for Joker. After two complete innings of play the score was Jester: 8- Slapstick: 2- Joker: 8. The Jester and Joker teams made team Slapstick lonely. Ellen DeDeneres said that when she was growing up, she only had two friends and both of them were imaginary. She was lonely because both of her friends would only play with each other.
Things got a little more fun for the Team Slapstick in the 3rd and 4th innings. We scored 3 runs in the 3rd and 4 runs, in the 4th. Up to that point we needed a hitting psychiatrist, because our bats were invisible. A receptionist said to the psychiatrist, a man is out there and he says that he is invisible. The psychiatrist replied, tell him that I cannot see him right now. We were no longer invisible, but climbed right back into the mix. A HR by Matta and hits by Rivera, Witmer, Chrest and Coffman were just what the doctor ordered in the 3rd. Fourth inning hits by Bobby C, Mick, Wells, Rivera, Shirer and Witmer brought joy to our scorebook. After 4 innings the scorebook read Jester: 12-Slapstick: 9- Joker: 8. Team Slapstick had finally saw the ball well and delivered hits. What kind of food helps you see well? Seafood.
The amusement continued in the 5th inning as all three teams drew even with 13 total runs each. Team Jester added a solo run, when Pope rounded the bases with a HR. Bobby was a bit out of breath due to his effort, but nobody volunteered to give him mouth to mouth resuscitation. Team Slapstick, slapped the ball all over the field and scored 4 runs. Coffman, Capozzi, Bobby C, Mick, Wells, Rivera and Matta were all slappy. Team Joker laughed the loudest with a 5 run inning. JD, Gonzalez, Skidmore, Learn, Cecil and Lopiccolo cracked the bat with wisdom, you might say, they delivered wisecracks. With the game tied it was going to be a fight to the finish. What do you call 4 bullfighters standing in a sinkhole? Quatro Sinko.
In the 6th inning, the Jesters could not muster a gag, or a run, they were shut out. Slapstick managed a solo run to squeak into the lead. Joker had them rolling in the isles, or as it were in the dugout. They had a lot of hoopla on the base paths, scoring 4 runs. Hicks, Dampier, Dana, Manny, Gonzalez and Skidmore were the masters of frivolity.
After 6 innings the score was Jester: 13- Slapstick: 14- Joker: 17. Maybe a team could run wild in the 7th and final inning. What was Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1.
The game was still there for the taking. Which team had enough punch left in them to deliver the final punchline?
It was not Team Jester, they flamed out and did not score in the 7th. Why didn’t the approaching black hole concern the astronaut. He did not understand the gravity of the situation. Team Slapstick understood the gravity of the situation. We need 3 runs just to tie the home team, who still would get to bat. If we failed to do this, we would come crashing down. Fortunately, we blasted off in the 7th inning, by blasting the ball and scoring 6 runs. Wells, Rivera, Scarbrough and Matta all had hits to the right side of the field. Larry Strait, who was playing 2nd base, on defense, was getting whiplash watching all the hits to right. Though none of the hits were his fault, they were just well placed. Shirer, Witmer, Coffman and Bobby C all reached base to aid with the scoring. We took a 3 run deficit and turned it into a 3 run lead. Score; Jester: 13- Slapstick: 20- Joker: 17.
Bob Hope said that his friend played the piano so poorly, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano. Team Joker needed to make beautiful music in the bottom of the 7th ,if they wanted the win. They went down quietly without hitting a note, or a ball to an open spot. Afterwards, a Miken rep came immediately and confiscated their bats.
Final Score: Jester: 13-Slapstick: 20-Joker: 17
Standing Ovation For These Players on Jester:
Grabb: 3/ 4 with a HR.
Rad: 3/ 4 with a double.
Guzman: 3/ 4 with two doubles.
Gelinas: 3/ 4.
Shearer: 2/3.
Standing Ovation For These Players On Slapstick:
Rivera: 4/5
Matta: 4/5 with a HR and a double.
Shirer: 3/5.
Witmer: 3/5.
Chrest: 3/ 4 with a SF.
Coffman: 4/5 with a triple and a double.
Capozzi: 3/ 4 with a SF.
Bobby C: 3 /4 with a SF.
Mick: 3/4.
Standing Ovation For These Players On Joker:
Hicks: 3/4.
Dampier: 3/ 4.
Dana: 3/4.
Manny: 3/ 4.
Skidmore: 3/4.
I’ll end with one of my favorite baseball jokes.
This guy walks into the bar with his dog. The bartender says, Sorry pal, no dogs allowed.
The man replies, this is not just any dog, he can do tricks. But it will cost you a few beers to see him perform.
The bartender says, let’s see what can he do and serves up a couple free beers.
The man says, this dog can talk. He asks the dog. What is over a house? The dog says, in his dog voice, rooof, rooof. The bar tender looks at the man skeptically.
The man asks the dog, what does a bear say when he is angry? The dog responds, grrrrrr. The bartender is getting impatient.
The man asks the dog, who is the villain in Little Red Riding Hood? The dog answers, wooof, wooof. The bartender is now very upset and points to the door.
The man says let me try one more. Dog, who is the most famous Yankee player of all time? The dog barks back, Ruuth, Ruuth. The bartender throws them both out.
When they hit the street, the dog looks up at the man and says, you think I should have said DiMaggio.
Written by: Nick Matta
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