Winter Haven Senior Softball

Redneck Softball

Many of you guys live and play ball in the south, I know that does not necessarily make you a redneck, but there might be a little bit of redneck tendencies hanging in the far temporal lobes of your brain. Other ballplayers just live in the south for a season, believe me, we are happy to have you playing ball with us. Some of you may have a little bit of redneck in you, even though you live up north for most of the year. In truth, we probably all have a little redneck in each of us, maybe it’s only 2%, but there is something there. Here is the Jeff Foxworthy test, to gage your percentage of redneck.

You might be a redneck if:

Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people".

Motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.

Your Christmas tree is still up in February.

You left an empty Slurpee cup in your car for a few days.

You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.

You have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions.

You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.

When a sign that says "Say No To Crack!" reminds you to pull up your jeans.

You collect all your expired license plates.

Your favorite song is “Friends In Low Places”.

Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

Directions to your house include "turn off the paved road."

Most of us love the game of softball, that is why we play the game so much. I have put together a little softball junkie test, so you can gage your intensity for the game.

You might be a softball junkie:

If you ask your wife if you can purchase a new bat for your birthday, or Christmas present.

If you have more than 7 softball, or, baseball caps.

If you open your trunk to put in groceries, you have to push your softball gear to the side to make room for the bags.

If your closet has a combination of Winter Haven, Lakeland, and tournament shirts that date back in years.

If it pours down rain the night before and you’re still “hoping to get the game in tomorrow”.

If you know that Trump is not only the name of a political candidate, but also the brand of a softball.

If you use batting gloves more often than you use any other type of gloves, (Winter or garden).

If the only rest you can get, on a given weekend, is in between tournament games.

If you have to work to get out the dirt stains from most of your socks.

If you ask your wife, “do you want to stay at a hotel next weekend”, and she automatically knows you have an out of town tournament to play in.

If you talk to yourself after you have hit a pop fly for an out.

And the best self-check for being a softball junkie is this: you might be a softball junkie if you show up to get in the game because you cherish the time playing ball with friends, even when you are 55 years old, or older and your knees, shoulder or other body parts hurt. The fun of playing ball out weights the pain.

Now for the softball review for the American League game on 4/1.

Team “Fixin’ to”, Visitors: Rivera, Rad, Gazarek, Held, Jacobson, Shirer, Zelazny, Parker, Coffman, Cappozzi, Marino, Kallister and Vandenberg.

Team “Leaky Cow”, Home: Hicks, Witmer, Doerbaum, Matta, Gonzalez, Essenmacher, Smith, D’Herin, Crowell, Denny, Accetta, Wells and Holder.

In the first inning the “Fixin’ To” team jumped off to an early lead, scoring 5 runs off of hits by Rivera, Rad, Gazarek, Held, Shirer and Zelazny. They were fixin’ to give us a woop’n. They lead after the first inning, 5-1. But for the rest of the game they were as frustrated as a mosquito trapped in a mannequin storage shed. They only managed to score 8 more runs, in the last 8 innings of play. The Visitors team’s bats fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. To sum up the game, the Home team found a way to “get r done”. Turning 3 double plays, on defense, certainly helped us. The front four guys, in the batting order, for the Home team, had 13 hits, in 16 at bats, including two homeruns and a double. That hitting lead to a few rallies as runners skedaddled around the bases. That made us happier than a kitten under a leaky cow.  We scored a total of 20 runs, to win the game, 20-13. Both teams had a “right good” time.

Fixin’ To, Leading Hitters:

Rad 3/ 4 with a double.

Gazarek: 4/4 with a double.

Held: 3/ 4.

Jacobson: 2/3 and a SF.

Zelazny: 3/ 4.

Capozzi: 3/ 4.

Leading Hitters For Team Leaky Cow:

Hicks: 3/ 4 with a HR.

Witmer: 3/ 4.

Doerbaum: 4/ 4 with a HR.

Matta: 3/ 4 with a double.

Smith: 3/ 4 with a double.

D’Herin: 3/ 4.

Denny: 3/4.

Acceta: 3/3 with a double.

Written by Nick Matta.