Don’t Worry, Be Happy

An easy going, fun mood prevails at the ball fields, while we play summer ball. No team, or player takes it too seriously, at least until the final innings when the game is on the line. There are plenty of wry comments in the dugouts. With that in mind, the write up, for 5/24, will center around comedy. As a precursor, I am going to apologize ahead of time for some of the bad humor that will follow in this presentation.

Some of the ball players at WHSS are so old their shirt numbers are in Roman numerals.

Team Jester, Hitting Team: Grabb, Rad, Guzman, Gelinas, Morton, Hite, Pope, Vining, Strait, Thompson and Shearer.

Team Slapstick, Sitting Team: Rivera, Scarbrough, Matta, Shirer, Witmer, Chrest, Coffman, Capozzi, Bobby C, Mick and Wells.

Team Joker, Home Team: Hicks, Dampier, Dana, Manny, JD, Gonzalez, Skidmore, Learn, Cecil, Lopiccolo and Fabian.

It was appropriate that Larry Grabb was the first hitter up today. Because team Jester grabbed the lead instantly, when Larry opened the game with a HR. Immediately I accused Bob Hite of stacking his team. Rad, Guzman, Morton and Hite also happily ran the bases by delivering hits. They scored 3 runs to take an early lead.

Team Slapstick batted next and their bats had very few hits in them. Scarbrough, Matta, Shirer and Chrest found a few openings in the defense, good for 2 runs.

Team Joker laughed all the way around the bases, scoring 5 runs. Hicks, Dampier, Dana, Manny, JD, Learn and Cecil were all smiles after their hits.

I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday. She said, surprise me with lots of diamonds. I gave her a deck of cards.

After 1 inning at the Diamondplex the cards fell correctly for Team Joker, as they held an early lead. Jester: 3- Slapstick: 2 - Joker: 5.

Teams Jester and Joker were making fun of Team Slapstick. Not by picking on us verbally, but by beating us with their bats. The two teams that were having the best time, scored the most runs in the 2^nd inning, to extend their lead. Jester posted 5 runs in the inning, 0 for Slapstick and 3 runs for Joker.  After two complete innings of play the score was Jester: 8- Slapstick: 2- Joker: 8. The Jester and Joker teams made team Slapstick lonely. Ellen DeDeneres said that when she was growing up, she only had two friends and both of them were imaginary. She was lonely because both of her friends would only play with each other.

Things got a little more fun for the Team Slapstick in the 3^rd and 4^th innings. We scored 3 runs in the 3^rd and 4 runs, in the 4^th.  Up to that point we needed a hitting psychiatrist, because our bats were invisible. A receptionist said to the psychiatrist, a man is out there and he says that he is invisible. The psychiatrist replied, tell him that I cannot see him right now. We were no longer invisible, but climbed right back into the mix. A HR by Matta and hits by Rivera, Witmer, Chrest and Coffman were just what the doctor ordered in the 3^rd.  Fourth inning hits by Bobby C, Mick, Wells, Rivera, Shirer and Witmer brought joy to our scorebook. After 4 innings the scorebook read Jester: 12-Slapstick: 9- Joker: 8. Team Slapstick had finally saw the ball well and delivered hits. What kind of food helps you see well? Seafood.

The amusement continued in the 5^th inning as all three teams drew even with 13 total runs each. Team Jester added a solo run, when Pope rounded the bases with a HR. Bobby was a bit out of breath due to his effort, but nobody volunteered to give him mouth to mouth resuscitation. Team Slapstick, slapped the ball all over the field and scored 4 runs. Coffman, Capozzi, Bobby C, Mick, Wells, Rivera and Matta were all slappy. Team Joker laughed the loudest with a 5 run inning. JD, Gonzalez, Skidmore, Learn, Cecil and Lopiccolo cracked the bat with wisdom, you might say, they delivered wisecracks. With the game tied it was going to be a fight to the finish. What do you call 4 bullfighters standing in a sinkhole? Quatro Sinko.

In the 6^th inning, the Jesters could not muster a gag, or a run, they were shut out. Slapstick managed a solo run to squeak into the lead. Joker had them rolling in the isles, or as it were in the dugout. They had a lot of hoopla on the base paths, scoring 4 runs. Hicks, Dampier, Dana, Manny, Gonzalez and Skidmore were the masters of frivolity.

After 6 innings the score was Jester: 13- Slapstick: 14- Joker: 17. Maybe a team could run wild in the 7^th and final inning.  What was Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1.

The game was still there for the taking. Which team had enough punch left in them to deliver the final punchline?

It was not Team Jester, they flamed out and did not score in the 7^th. Why didn’t the approaching black hole concern the astronaut. He did not understand the gravity of the situation. Team Slapstick understood the gravity of the situation. We need 3 runs just to tie the home team, who still would get to bat. If we failed to do this, we would come crashing down. Fortunately, we blasted off in the 7^th inning, by blasting the ball and scoring 6 runs. Wells, Rivera, Scarbrough and Matta all had hits to the right side of the field. Larry Strait, who was playing 2^nd base, on defense, was getting whiplash watching all the hits to right. Though none of the hits were his fault, they were just well placed. Shirer, Witmer, Coffman and Bobby C all reached base to aid with the scoring. We took a 3 run deficit and turned it into a 3 run lead. Score; Jester: 13- Slapstick: 20- Joker: 17.

Bob Hope said that his friend played the piano so poorly, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano. Team Joker needed to make beautiful music in the bottom of the 7^th  ,if they wanted the win. They went down quietly without hitting a note, or a ball to an open spot. Afterwards, a Miken rep came immediately and confiscated their bats.

Final Score: Jester: 13-Slapstick: 20-Joker: 17

Standing Ovation For These Players on Jester:

Grabb: 3/ 4 with a HR.

Rad: 3/ 4 with a double.

Guzman: 3/ 4 with two doubles.

Gelinas: 3/ 4.

Shearer: 2/3.

Standing Ovation For These Players On Slapstick:

Rivera: 4/5

Matta: 4/5 with a HR and a double.

Shirer: 3/5.

Witmer: 3/5.

Chrest: 3/ 4 with a SF.

Coffman: 4/5 with a triple and a double.

Capozzi: 3/ 4 with a SF.

Bobby C: 3 /4 with a SF.

Mick: 3/4.

Standing Ovation For These Players On Joker:

Hicks: 3/4.

Dampier: 3/ 4.

Dana: 3/4.

Manny: 3/ 4.

Skidmore: 3/4.

I’ll end with one of my favorite baseball jokes. 

This guy walks into the bar with his dog. The bartender says, Sorry pal, no dogs allowed.

The man replies, this is not just any dog, he can do tricks. But it will cost you a few beers to see him perform.

The bartender says, let’s see what can he do and serves up a couple free beers.

The man says, this dog can talk. He asks the dog. What is over a house? The dog says, in his dog voice, rooof, rooof. The bar tender looks at the man skeptically.

The man asks the dog, what does a bear say when he is angry? The dog responds, grrrrrr. The bartender is getting impatient.

The man asks the dog, who is the villain in Little Red Riding Hood? The dog answers, wooof, wooof. The bartender is now very upset and points to the door.

The man says let me try one more. Dog, who is the most famous Yankee player of all time? The dog barks back, Ruuth, Ruuth. The bartender throws them both out.

When they hit the street, the dog looks up at the man and says, you think I should have said DiMaggio.

Written by: Nick Matta

Tuesday May 14th

Games are canceled. All Fields have standing water and are not playable. See you Friday.

Sent from my iPhone

Friday May 3rd

Games are on. Rain predicted for sometime this morning. Lets get here and play ball.

Sent from my iPhone

Tuesday, April 30th

BATTLE OF THE BANDS

In honor of the huge contingency from Detroit and our own transplanted Florida boys, I am dedicating the AL write up, on 4/30, as the showdown between Motown and Southern Rock bands.

Southern Rockers, Visitors: Rad, Guzzo, Keller, Shirer, Dana, Jacobson, Pep, Zelazny, Constantine and Alwin.

Motown Madness: Witmer, Hamilton, Netzel, Matta, JD, Stevens, D’Herin, Guttenberger, Reagen and J. Guzman.

The Rockers rocked to the tune of 3 runs in the first inning. Rad, Guzzo, Keller, Dana and Jacobson all had hits. They had three steps on us, like Lynyrd Skynyrd’s song “Three Steps Mister”. The song is based on a real-life experience by lead singer, 18-year-old, Ronnie Van Zan, who was at a biker bar in Jacksonville, The Little Brown Jug, he had a gun pulled on him for dancing with another man's woman, and thus inspiring him to write the lyrics on his way home. The song debuted in 1973, it was their first major-label release, and it didn't chart. The band’s name was a mocking tribute to Leonard Skinner, a physical-education teacher at Robert E. Lee High School, who was notorious for strictly enforcing the school's policy against boys having long hair. (Maybe Nick Matta should have been on this Southern Rocker team, with his long hair and proclivity to rock & roll). "Won't you give me three steps, Gimme three steps mister, Gimme three steps towards the door? Gimme three steps, Gimme three steps mister, And you'll never see me no more. " The Southern Rockers took their 3-step lead in the first and held it through one inning.  The Motown Madness did our version of the Temptations Song, “I Can’t Get Next To You”, 1969.

“I Can turn the gray sky blue
I can make it rain, whenever I want it to, oh I
I can build a castle from a single grain of sand
I can make a ship sail, on dry land tell 'em yeah
But my life is incomplete and I'm so blue
'Cause I can't get next to you”

We were shutout in the bottom of the first and could not pull even with the Rockers. After 1 inning the score was Rockers: 3-Madness: 0.

In the 2^nd inning there was a reversal of fortunes, the Rockers were shut out and the Madness plated 4 runs, to take the lead. JD, D’Herin, Guttenberger, Reagen and Guzman shouted out lyrics, like the Temptations, “Look out baby because here I come”.  Score: Southern Rockers: 3-Motown Madness: 4.  Here’s two little trivia questions for all of you music aficionados. Which Temptation song contained those lyrics? Which year was it released?  

If you answered, “Get Ready”, 1966, give yourself a HR in the scorebook.

The Motown Madness continued with, “The Same Old Song”, The Four Tops, 1965, in the 3^rd inning. The Rockers only scored a run in their half of the inning, while Motown was in full swing, dancing to the tune of 5 runs.

“You're sweet as a honey bee
But like a honey bee stings
You've gone and left my heart in pain
All you left is our favorite song
The one we danced to all night long
It used to bring sweet memories
Of a tender love that used to be

Now it's the same old song
But with a different meaning
Since you been gone.”

Hamilton, Netzel, Matta, JD, D’Herin and Reagen all stung the ball like a honey bee. The Motown team left the Rockers heart in pain. Scoring multiple runs in the 2^nd and 3^rd innings while limiting the Southern Rockers output. Making things eerily similar for two straight innings, or, The Same Old Song. Score: Southern Rockers: 4- Motown Madness: 9.

The Southern Rockers climbed back into the game in the 5^th inning. They loosened up for 4 runs.

“Just hold on loosely
But don't let go
If you cling to tightly
You're gonna lose control”

38 Special, Hold On Loosely, 1981. The band originated out of Jacksonville Florida. This is how the band choose their name. As young men they were practicing in a warehouse out in the middle of nowhere. When police arrived, after being notified by locals of the noise, the band had the door locked and could not hear the police knocking. The police then shot the door lock to let themselves in. When the surprised band asked how the police gained entrance the cops responded; “We let this 38 special do the talking".

It’s a good idea to loosen up the grip on the bat and snap at the ball. Rad, Guzzo, Keller, Shirer, Dana, Jacobson and Pepin, did just that, they loosened up their grips on the bat and tightened up the score, 8-9, in favor of Motown.  Instead of a 38 special, they let their bats do the talking.

In the bottom of the 5^th and the bottom of the 6^th the Motown boys answered back.

“Listen baby, ain't no mountain high
Ain't no valley low, ain't no river wide enough baby
If you need me call me no matter where you are
No matter how far don't worry baby
Just call my name I'll be there in a hurry
You don't have to worry

'Cause baby there ain't no mountain high enough
Ain't no valley low enough
Ain't no river wide enough
To keep me from getting to you babe”

 Originally written by the Motown husband and wife songwriting team, Ashford & Simpson. When “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” was released by Tammi Terrell and Marvin Gaye, in 1967, the single peaked at No. 19 on Billboard’s pop chart. It was later rereleased by Diana Ross, 1969, as a #1 hit. The Gaye/Terrell version was used in these films: Stepmom (1998), Remember the Titans (2000) and Guardians of the Galaxy (2014). It is also sung on a regular basis by Joe D’Herin, to his wife.

The Motown guys wanted mo runs, they climbed the mountain and made it through the valley to get them. The mountain climbers in the 5^th were Stevens, D’Herin, Guttenberger and Guzman. The Valley warriors were Hamilton, Netzel, Stevens and D’Herin. By scoring 3 runs in each frame the Motown Madness took a 15-9 lead. (The Rockers scored a solo run in the 6^th).

JD came in to pitch for Matta in the top of the 7^th. The Southern Rockers had three innings left, to make up the deficit. They did everything they could to win the game, short of making a deal with the devil.

The devil went down to Georgia
He was lookin' for a soul to steal
He was in a bind
'Cause he was way behind
And he was willin' to make a deal

When he came upon this young man
Sawin' on a fiddle and playin' it hot
And the devil jumped
Up on a hickory stump
And said, "boy, let me tell you what

I guess you didn't know it
But I'm a fiddle player too
And if you'd care to take a dare, I'll make a bet with you

Now you play a pretty good fiddle, boy
But give the devil his due
I'll bet a fiddle of gold
Against your soul
'Cause I think I'm better than you"

The Devil Went Down To Georgia, Charlie Daniels, 1979. As a side note, I’ve had the privilege of meeting and working with Charlie Daniels on two occasions. Once in his studio, outside of Nashville, and once in San Jose, CA. Both were video shoots that I produced. He was a great guy, very nice to work with, extremely talented and very accommodating.

The Southern Rockers busted their fiddle trying to catch up to their competition, but the Motown defense and pitcher, JD, would not give them their due. The Rockers could only manage 2 runs in the bottom of the 9^th. The final score was Southern Rockers: 11- Motown Madness: 17.  At least for this game the Motown boys could sing the victorious lyrics from Devil Went Down To Georgia.

“ I done told you once you son of a gun
I'm the best that's ever been".

Southern Rockers Who Made The Music Hall Of Fame For Their Hits:

Rad: 3/5 with 3 doubles.

Keller: 5/5 with 3 doubles.

Dana: 3/4 with two doubles and a SF.

Jacobson: 3/5 with a double.

Pepin: 3/5.

Motown Madness Music HOF, For their Hits:

Hamilton: 3/5.

Netzel: 4/5 with a double.

JD: 3/5 with a double.

D’Herin: 4/4 and a SF.

Defensive Play Of The Game: A sinking line drive catch by Netzel in shallow left center field.

Thanks to Lou Guzman for umpiring.

Written By: Nick Matta